Still Hanging on

Hi, everybody! Missed a few days. Felt myself slipping back into old habits. But I’m still hanging on. I saw my friend, Nate, over the weekend. We went to Texas A&M together. We played Axis & Allies with one of his friends and his wife. It was good times. I love that game. And we were playing the 3rd edition, which has a dramatically different map and different rules so it was a new experience altogether.

I haven’t been able to make myself finish my last paper for my History of the Essay class, which is a little disconcerting. It’s to be six pages long about a personal experience that we can somehow make universal for readers. I think it’s due tomorrow, so that’s . . . pretty much all I’ll be doing today.

Oh, and I guess I should mention (since I found out a few days ago that not many people know) that I am once again single–have been for abooooout three . . . four months. The stress of the whole long distance thing was too much. And there were some . . . misguided . . . I dunno what to call ’em . . . expectations. Basically, though she said that she didn’t want me to get baptized Mormon, she still expected me to act as though I had. Alas, I am not, nor have any wish to be, Mormon. I like swearing (it’s cathardic) and the ability to enjoy a couple drinks with my friends. It was the latter that turned out to be too much for her. I wrote in a letter to her something like . . . while I was at another of my friends’ wedding (Will and Kay), I “had a couple drinks” or something like that. That prompted her to tell me not to “close my heart” when I thought about her (and, remember, she gave no explanation for not wanting me to commit to her after two years of a long distance relationship–that came several letters later). I called her on that bullshit (because that’s what it is). And she said she didn’t know what she thought of our relationship anymore because I had had a few drinks. Two years, and she didn’t know what to think because I had a few drinks. And I wouldn’t have been so pissed if the previous two years hadn’t been a constant battle trying to get her to explain her feelings and actually commit to a relationship (she was only willing to call me her “boyfriend” for the last eight months, while she was perfectly willing to throw “I love you”s around after the first two). So, in a nutshell, she wanted me to be Mormon (in everything but name), to which I replied (if you’ll permit a vulgarity) Fuck that. We started out “on a break” because . . . I dunno, maybe . . . I dunno we should start by just getting some space (an ironic metaphor if I ever heard one). That quickly degenerated into a break-up and, to the best of my knowledge, we agree that it’s for the best. At least I think so.

Anyway, I have a paper to write!

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