OK, so … almost two months without a post. That’s my bad…. Well now I’m back. Because I found something that I absolutely couldn’t—couldn’t—keep to myself. What is this mysterious secret? Is it the formula for cold fusion? The cure for cancer? The missing link?
It is allghoi khorkhoy, colloquially called the Mongolian Death Worm (Mongo, for short). In addition to being the title of my debut album, this bad-mamba-jamba has the ability to spew sulfuric acid and kill at a distance(!) with electric shocks.
Alas, so-called “scientists” have been unable to find any evidence of Mongo’s existence. But if you just ask the Mongolian locals, you’ll find out the truth.
Fun Fact: Mongo’s name translates to “blood filled intestine worm” because of its resemblance to the intestine of a cow!
So, clearly, I have to feature Mongo in a Sci-Fi Original Movie. I mean, it would just be immoral not to. “Attack of the Mongolian Death Worm” is the working title. With a tentative sequel planned: “Mongo Takes Manhattan.” I’m thinking a team of scientists (including a fat, crude, but lovable misogynist (Putnam), a young man from Iowa with a square jaw (Rex?), and a glasses-wearing, ninety-pound city-girl, who just can’t get taken seriously in the science community because of her perfect figure, blonde highlights, and natural tan (maybe … Ellassandra)) go to the Gobi, researching a way to stop rampant desertification of the neighboring area. But while researching the desert they make a terrible discovery. Acid and electric shocks everywhere! Rex, Ellassandra, and Putnam manage to escape back to the US, but not before Putnam is bitten by one of the little Mongos. All seems well (and Putnam’s eating more than ever) when all of a sudden, Putnam experiences a horrible seizure. Moments later, dozens of Mongos erupt from his quivering fat! Then it’s up to only Rex and Ellassandra to stop the worms from taking over the world!
I would at least Tivo that bitch!