“The country is run by extremists because moderates have shit to do.”

The above statement is just another of the many reasons that I would sexual pleasure Mr. Jon Stewart only if he asked. He said this in an interview with Juliet Eilperin, author of Fight Club Politics: How Partisanship Is Poisoning the U.S. House of Representatives. It’s an excellent interview. In it, she explains how districts in America have been arranged so that senators have a 98% chance of getting re-elected. 98%. That, among other things, means that senators can say whatever they want, do whatever they want, and sign whatever they want because they know that there is a 98% chance that they will be re-elected. Guh, it makes me feel dirty. Is getting actual representation for a country’s citizens really that frightening?

Said Ms. Eilperin when asked by Jon Stewart, “So you choose to focus on the raping and pillaging of the environment rather than cover politics because . . .”

“I find it less depressing.”

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My News, Validated

My mother watches the CBS Evening News, which I generally ignore in favor of The Daily Show (oh yeah!), and I happened to be in the same room when she turned it on and I heard something that made me giddy. Well, maybe not giddy, but it put a smile on my face. Brian Jennings was talking about Bush’s new CIA Director and how Bush said, “He’s the right man to lead this important agency at this critical moment in our nation’s history.” Then, CBS showed a clip of Bush speaking about the then newly appointed CIA Director, John E. McLaughlin, saying, “He’s the right man to lead this important agency at this critical moment in our nation’s history.” Bam! Same exact phrase. Same contractions. Same shabby rhetoric. And I was like, Hmm, good call CBS Evening News.” Then Mr. Jennings dropped the bombshell. Quoth the Jennings [paraphrased, naturally], “In all fairness, we did not find this. It was discovered by The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.” Booyah! And that’s all I need to hear. The Daily Show is my news network, along with The Feed on Attack of the Show. But mostly the Daily Show . . . booyah.

This not only validates in my mind where I get my news but also a theory I’ve been forming about the Presidency. I’ve come to the conclusion that he really is just a figurehead. He’s suppose to look good and talk smoothly while his administration does all the work. I got the idea during the Clinton administration. I mean, c’mon, people, he could make you doubt what the definition of ‘is’ was. Now that’s a President!